Personal · Rants

Sexual Assault

 


This isn’t something I ever thought I would share because it’s something I’ve pushed to the back of my mind; I never looked at it for what it truly was: sexual assault.

I was sexually assaulted on my school bus when I was 12 or 13 and never told anyone because I didn’t really know it WAS sexual assault. I just wanted to forget about it because I felt disgusting and violated. Society taught me and most other girls to brush it off because guys are just gross and uncontrollable, which is deplorable. Saying guys can’t control themselves is not only a repulsive excuse, but a form of encouragement. If boys are always raised to think they can’t control their urges, harassment and assault will never stop. What’s even more deplorable is victim-blaming. I promise you I did nothing on that school bus that screamed: “come sit with me and grope me”. Stop assuming victims are always lying, stop saying it’s just how guys are, and stop saying a victim is asking for it! One simply cannot ask to be molested or raped, as the definitions of both words include non-consensual actions!

A guy thought it was okay to grab me wherever he wanted and there were zero consequences for him. It shouldn’t have taken me so long to realize I had actually been assaulted and that I should’ve and could’ve done something about it. I just got off the bus, ran to my house in tears and washed my hands over and over again like that would make it all go away.

I cannot begin to imagine how many times this has happened to others and it is not okay. Guys should not think they can touch girls wherever the want, whenever they want and girls should not be told that “boys will be boys”. We definitely shouldn’t think we need to brush assault off and forget about it. The more we ignore the assault and pretend it didn’t happen, the more alone we feel. As we know from the horrifying statistics, survivors/victims of sexual assault are NOT alone.

We often think of sexual assault as rape and tend to downplay anything that is more mild. In reality, groping is considered assault. Unwanted touching is UNWANTED. What the hell gives anyone the audacity to touch anyone wherever they want?! I also can’t fathom making excuses for assault or saying it’s a victim’s fault. It is NEVER on the victim! They spend enough time reliving the events and blaming themselves because it’s impossible to understand why somebody would violate them, so why would anyone add to that?

I regret never speaking to anyone about what happened to me. I was fortunate enough to not have been severely traumatized like many are, but the boy should’ve been reprimanded. I hate to think that I’m responsible for a guy growing up thinking it’s okay to do whatever he wants to girls. I wish I’d known to stand up for myself at the time. I wish I’d known that I shouldn’t have felt so disgusting, that what he did was wrong. I want to be open about my negatives along with my positives because they both make us who we are; we learn from everything in our pasts. I want to help others see that they’re not alone and spread awareness to all. Boys should not be raised to think they can do what they want with no responsibility for their actions and girls should not be prepared for “inevitable assault” or ashamed of things that are wrongly done to them.

Speak up and spread awareness . 

Disability · Mental illness · Personal · Rants

“You don’t know how lucky you are…”


I’m beyond tired of seeing people tweet things with the intention of making others feel guilty or spoiled for having things they themselves do not have. I constantly see hateful tweets about people whose parents have money, people who are naturally attractive, people whose parents are not divorced, people that get to go on vacation often, etc. I totally understand jealousy and agitation towards people whom of which I think live easier lives than I do, however, I have no tolerance or respect for people when they stoop low enough to make others feel guilt for things that are out of their control. I find it very similar to the concept of me constantly tweeting things like: “you don’t know how lucky you are to have full sight”, which I would never do. For the most part, I’m happy for others that don’t face the same hardships I do; people have enough to deal with as it is without us wishing worse lives upon them. 

I feel a spike of anger every time I see a tweet like this even if I sometimes feel similarly to the people tweeting. It’s important to remember that nobody knows everything that goes on in the lives of others. We might see how “wonderful” other’s lives are through social media, which make sense because people don’t post as often about the negatives in their lives. When using common sense, one can conclude that no one lives a perfect life and no one documents every good and bad thing that happens to them for the public to observe. So why tweet hatefully about people whose lives about which we’re ignorant?

Frankly, it infuriates me when anyone says “you don’t know how lucky you are…” or “I wish I had your problems”. Those are jealous and condescending statements that seem to be used here recently as forms of indirectly attacking people on social media. Some of these statemeets end up with thousands of retweets, which undoubtedly leads to people feeling attacked and guilty. I do not support diminishing anyone’s problems, especially to focus on your own like they’re more significant. It’s pathetic and deplorable in my opinion. I recently saw a tweet saying people don’t know how lucky they are to have married parents. On the contrary,  I think I’m very fortunate to have married parents. I think about it often. Now, on the other hand, think of people whose parents are only staying together because they think it’s best for the child yet are constantly fighting in front of their child. In my opinion, it’s not always best for a child to have married parents if those parents are miserable together and causing tension in the household.  Someone could have married parents that are abusive, hostile, into drugs and other criminal activities, or worse. I’m not naive; I know divorces are devastating. I can’t speak from experience on this matter, but I know having divorced parents can be both good and bad. What I can speak about is that no one holds the right to be the judge over everyone and say who is lucky and who isn’t. Personally, it feels Ike I’m almost being attacked out of nowhere by someone I don’t know(and the thousands that have retweeted these tweets) because I have married parents, and I have absolutely nothing to say to defend myself. I also feel uncomfortable beecause I didn’t know I needed to defend myself because my parents aren’t divorced. As I said, I’m incredibly grateful that my parents are still together and being told I’m unappreciative by someone that doesn’t know me at all puts me on the defensive, as I’m sure it does to many others. If you’re trying to spread awareness about what divorce can do to people, you’ll gain a lot more support by not bringing others down, by not causing people to go on the defensive. 

People also seem to hold a lot of resentment towards people whose parents have money. To start, I’d like to say that kids have zero control over how much money their families have earned. Yes, it is aggravating when someone just inherits money and comes off spoiled and selfish because of it, but it’s a gross generalization to assume all wealthy people are this way. Some people come from very little and  work their asses off to get where they are only to receive hatred, only to have their children receive hatred for having money. Some people have legal settlements that came from horrible events like murder, negligence, reckless endangerment, etc. Some people simply win the lottery, others receive money when their loved ones die, others don’t get to spend time with their parents because they’re so focused on earning money. I see the most tweets about how nice it must be to get money from your parents, to get enough money to not have to work, to go on vacations all the time. I’ll admit that I’ve been jealous of the lavish vacations people take, the nice clothing people wear, the amount of shopping people do, and so on. However, I prefer to not be a horribly negative person , so I don’t blame these people or tell them they’re so lucky and unappreciative. I don’t respect people that try to make others feel bad by acting like their lives are so much worse. Everyone faces hardships!!! Don’t act superior and condescending by telling another person they don’t know how good they have it. 

Life includes ups and downs for everyone. Someone could be wealthy and beautiful but bipolar. Someone could have a lot of money from a lawsuit but also be permanently disabled. Some people might travel the world and also be rape survivors. Some people are raised by wealthy parents and very lonely because jealousy keeps friends away. Who the hell has the audacity to think they are the judge of anyone, who gets to say whose lives are better than others?!

There are privileged, ungrateful people in this world. There are also rapists, murderers, liars, theifs, and narcissists. Where would we be if we always assumed the worst from everyone? How impractical a notion is that? Instead of assuming we know things about others, judging them from afar, and making them feel attacked by thoughtless generalizations, why don’t we support others and fight to stop spreading hate? It saddens me to see people losing empathy more and more; it seems as if very few people today care to understand others. Compassion should be felt towards more than ourselves and wealth. I feel that it’s so much more important and beneficial to all if we focus less on how “amazing” others seem to have it and focus more on living happy lives ourselves. Happiness does not often include assumptions and envy.