Personal · Rants

Sexual Assault

 


This isn’t something I ever thought I would share because it’s something I’ve pushed to the back of my mind; I never looked at it for what it truly was: sexual assault.

I was sexually assaulted on my school bus when I was 12 or 13 and never told anyone because I didn’t really know it WAS sexual assault. I just wanted to forget about it because I felt disgusting and violated. Society taught me and most other girls to brush it off because guys are just gross and uncontrollable, which is deplorable. Saying guys can’t control themselves is not only a repulsive excuse, but a form of encouragement. If boys are always raised to think they can’t control their urges, harassment and assault will never stop. What’s even more deplorable is victim-blaming. I promise you I did nothing on that school bus that screamed: “come sit with me and grope me”. Stop assuming victims are always lying, stop saying it’s just how guys are, and stop saying a victim is asking for it! One simply cannot ask to be molested or raped, as the definitions of both words include non-consensual actions!

A guy thought it was okay to grab me wherever he wanted and there were zero consequences for him. It shouldn’t have taken me so long to realize I had actually been assaulted and that I should’ve and could’ve done something about it. I just got off the bus, ran to my house in tears and washed my hands over and over again like that would make it all go away.

I cannot begin to imagine how many times this has happened to others and it is not okay. Guys should not think they can touch girls wherever the want, whenever they want and girls should not be told that “boys will be boys”. We definitely shouldn’t think we need to brush assault off and forget about it. The more we ignore the assault and pretend it didn’t happen, the more alone we feel. As we know from the horrifying statistics, survivors/victims of sexual assault are NOT alone.

We often think of sexual assault as rape and tend to downplay anything that is more mild. In reality, groping is considered assault. Unwanted touching is UNWANTED. What the hell gives anyone the audacity to touch anyone wherever they want?! I also can’t fathom making excuses for assault or saying it’s a victim’s fault. It is NEVER on the victim! They spend enough time reliving the events and blaming themselves because it’s impossible to understand why somebody would violate them, so why would anyone add to that?

I regret never speaking to anyone about what happened to me. I was fortunate enough to not have been severely traumatized like many are, but the boy should’ve been reprimanded. I hate to think that I’m responsible for a guy growing up thinking it’s okay to do whatever he wants to girls. I wish I’d known to stand up for myself at the time. I wish I’d known that I shouldn’t have felt so disgusting, that what he did was wrong. I want to be open about my negatives along with my positives because they both make us who we are; we learn from everything in our pasts. I want to help others see that they’re not alone and spread awareness to all. Boys should not be raised to think they can do what they want with no responsibility for their actions and girls should not be prepared for “inevitable assault” or ashamed of things that are wrongly done to them.

Speak up and spread awareness . 

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